You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
