I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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