highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
