So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
