it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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