My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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