Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
