I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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