I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
