Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
