I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
