The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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