i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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