She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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