just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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