K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
