why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
