okay pat passed out under dana's car
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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