They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
