some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish i was in the wii world.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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