I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
