Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
