Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
