Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
