Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
