accomplished twins. life is a go
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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