We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
