What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize