Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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