You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize