this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize