I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize