Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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