My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
