went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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