I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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