Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
