Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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