She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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