guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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