I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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