"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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