I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am one with the molecules
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
