I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
