I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How does one acquire holy water?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
