If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
