I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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