When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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