I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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