Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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