I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
