so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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