It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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