I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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