We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
