Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
