MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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