I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
