and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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