i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
