she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize