I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We need to get me chipped asap
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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