you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
