my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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