Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
