Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
