Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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