omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
