No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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