It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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