She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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