i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
