OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
