I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
