eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize