His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
