For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
