nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
