I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
