I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
