Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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