If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
