The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
