i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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