Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
