my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
