There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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