you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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