I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My bed smells like the plague
FUCK WHALES
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
