If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
