His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
