I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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