he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize