My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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